I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
