So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
