I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
