when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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