i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
