Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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