The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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