i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
