You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
