I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
