do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize