so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
