He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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