Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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