Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
