Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
