Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
