Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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