Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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