so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
