My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hippo gnu deer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
