How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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