I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
