I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
