I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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