how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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