i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
