3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
