I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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