i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize