Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
