jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
