Christians are straight up FREAKS
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
