dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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