He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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