now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
