He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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