Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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