the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
