i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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