You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
