So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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