It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
