I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want a musical about memes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
