he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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