DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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