I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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