I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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