i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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