I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
