decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
