I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
