It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
