I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
