A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
