I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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