I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
