just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
