You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
