can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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