I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
