I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
