Can i not drive my cunt home
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
