Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
