What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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