I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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